I Dare You

Another fun Zach story to report. I don't have a picture of the actual episode, but I tried to capture his expression in another pic. It doesn't do it justice.

So, the other morning, I see Zach playing in his new playroom area. I think I smell poop so I ask him, "Do you have poo-poo, bud?" He responds by sticking his tongue out slightly, making his neck disappear and turns his face red. Okaaaay. Guess that's a yes. So I say, "When you're all done, tell Mama and I'll change your diaper."
I wait a few minutes and ask him, "Are you all done going poo-poo?"
He says, "No Mama, not done". I'm like, "Really? It's been a while, are you sure you're not all done?"
He responds by again, turning red, sticking his tongue out and making his neck disappear.
Okaaaaaay. I get it, it's gonna be a doozy.
So, I give him a GOOD 10 minutes to do his business. I ask if he's all done and he says, "yes."
I go get a dipe and he lays down on the carpet. I can really smell it now. I don't know what this kid eats but it's NOT pleasant.
I open the little tabs as he's watching me intently. I pull his dipe down a little and can see that this is going to be a very FULL, very MESSY diaper change. It's clear up to his balls. Ugh. I quickly put the diaper back up over his peen and look at him.
In his most mobster like tone he looks at me with a half smile on his face and says...
"Open it".
Like he was daring me to! I shook my head and said, "I don't wanna!"
He says it again..."Open it, Mama". Very calm like, very Kevin Spacey talking in the movie "Seven".
So, doing as I was told by my 2 year old, I opened the awful present he left me and as I'm reaching for the wipes (it was a 20 wipe poop, by the way) he says...wait for it...
"Clean my butt."
Very simply stated, very deliberate, very...authoritative.
And very weird!
If I start seeing this kid using my cell phone or wearing fedoras, I'm going to start getting suspicious.