Milk. It does a body good.

Last week I had another appointment with the lactation consultant while at the NICU. I've worked with her before and I don't really need all that much help since I've breastfed before. I did, however want to try nursing both babies at the same time with her there. I figured she could give me some tips and/or techniques that I'm not aware of. Several of the other nurses said they could also help and so did the occupational therapist. The OT lady (Astri is her name) is a twin and her sister has twins. One of the nurses also has 13 year old twins. I had a lot of experience coming at me from all angles. I was very excited.

Ok, let me set the stage.
I'm sitting down and I decide to just take off my shirt so it won't be in the way. I'm behind a screen in the area that is dedicated to Trevor and Dylan. I'm so ready for this. Haven't pumped in three hours so the girls are massive. I take the nursing flap down so now I look like I'm in Madonna's concert bra...minus the gold tassels. Somebody hands me Trevor, who is always more of a challenge to latch. I try to get him to latch for a good 5 minutes. He's now crying. Loudly. He's probably thinking, "what the hell...just feed me. No more gymnastics."
Somebody else hands me Dylan. I'm now doing the football hold with each baby, which is baby under the armpit with my hand under the head(s).

I now have no hands...each hand is under a baby's head. Trevor is still crying, slowly creeping towards a scream. I am hand less so I can't pinch my boob to make it easier for them to latch. This is the part where, out of the wings, 2 women on each side of me come at me with hands outstretched. All of them grab my boobs, trying to pop it into an awaiting mouth. The boys weren't having it. They wanted the nice smushed boob sandwich I make them...but again, no free hands. They were out of luck. So, as 2 women on my left and 2 women on my right try to squeeze, smush, twist and sandwich my boobs into these infants' mouths, my head starts ping-ponging back and forth from one twin to the other. I start trying to aim my boobs into the proper place, but that just makes my entire body go stiff and I can feel my shoulder rise into my ears. Then I tried to change positions and do a standard cradle hold with both. Well, Dylan apparently did not want Trevor touching him or laying on him while he ate, so he threw a fit about that. Finally, after who knows how long we ALL tried to do this, I finally said, "That's it! I'm done!".
Everyone dropped my boobs and stepped away. Slowly.
I gave Trevor back, who was still screaming, and fed Dylan. I looked at Tamara, who has the 13 year old twins and I said, "THAT was freakin' ridiculous."
She said, "Yes, it was."

I guess I had unrealistic expectations about how this was all going to play out. I had the sweet picture of me in my head beautifully nursing both boys at once. HA!

HA, HA, HA!

NOT gonna happen! It's not going to happen until they can find the boob on their own and latch on like it's second nature.
Dude, I was sweating. Astri even came back and gave me a quick massage to help dislodge my shoulders out of my earlobes.
Tamara said the way she did it in the beginning was to nurse one, and pump the other side at the same time. Hand over the pumped BM, (breast milk, NOT bowel movement, people!) and hubby feeds the other one. Next feeding, switch boobs and babies. So, that's my plan...in case any of you were wondering how I was going to do it.

I almost (almost) wished I'd You-tubed it. It was pretty comical.